How to get arrested in Dubai

The Sun has reported that a British woman is facing the possibility of three years in prison in Dubai, after a taxi driver accused her of having sex with a fellow passenger in the back of his cab.

The woman, 27-year old recruitment consultant Rebecca Black, told The Sun she had spent five days behind bars before being released on bail. She denied the allegation, saying she was alone in the cab and instead arrested for drinking a bottle of beer, which is also illegal in the UAE.

Of course she’s not the first Brit to wind up behind bars or deported because they’re not clued up about United Arab Emirates laws.

According to the Foreign Office, 1.1 million Britons visited the UAE last year and 294 of them were arrested or detained by police – making it more likely to happen there than in any other country in the world.

So if getting banged up abroad is on your ‘to do’ list of life experiences, here are some easy ways to break the law in Dubai…

Do some dirty dancing
Ever thought your dance moves ought to be illegal? Then head to Dubai, where they just very well might be. Unless you’re at a licensed club or in the privacy of your hotel room then dancing is considered indecent and provocative and could get you arrested. During Ramadan you won’t even find a dancefloor to throw some shapes on risk-free – dancing, loud music and live music are forbidden during the ninth month of the Islamic calendar, so nightclubs usually close and all the bands go on holiday.

Give someone the finger
Back home it’s just a bit rude but making insulting gestures in Dubai is regarded as obscene and totally unacceptable – as 56-year-old Brit Simon Andrew discovered in 2010 when he was accused of showing an aviation student his middle finger during a row and was arrested. He denied flipping the bird but had his passport confiscated for eight months as bail surety. It has been known for offenders to get a six-month sentence for such an act and some have been deported.

Have sex on the beach
For a surefire way to wind up behind bars, break a couple of laws at once. Because of their strict laws about indecency, public sex is beyond unacceptable. Do it with someone you’re not married to – a crime that entails prosecution, imprisonment and/or a fine and deportation – and you’re firing on all cylinders. Michelle Palmer, 36, of Oakham, Rutland, and Vince Acors, 34, of Bromley, London, did just that in 2009 and were banged up for three months before being deported, as well as fined 1,000 dirhams (about £180).

Snog in a restaurant
Don’t assume you have to go all the way to infringe on their decency regulations – the law extends to kissing and even holding hands, unless you’re married. British marketing executive Ayman Najafi and Charlotte Adams – both in their 20s – were arrested and accused of public indecency after an Emirati woman claimed they exchanged a passionate kiss in a restaurant. They were given a one-month jail sentence for public indecency and illegal drinking, fined 1,000 dirhams, then deported. The pair maintain it was merely a peck on the cheek.

Drink Sex on the Beach
Buying drinks in licensed hotels or bars is allowed but drinking – or being drunk – is illegal in public. You’ll stand out particularly well in the resort of Sharjah where booze is banned full stop, apart from for residents with a licence to drink at home. It is also an offence in the UAE to drink and drive, no matter how tiny the amount. If you’re arrested on alcohol-related offences you’ll likely be jailed while you await trial and penalties entail hefty jail sentences and large fines.

Smoke some wacky baccy
Drugs are almost always a law breaker, but Dubai is about as far from Amsterdam as you can get. Possession and consumption is treated very seriously in the UAE and possession includes anything in your system, so even if you have a cheeky joint before you get on the Dubai-bound plane you could end up falling foul of their regulations, and wind up with their mandatory minimum of four years in jail.

Other laws you should know about
Shopping in shorts could attract attention from the authorities. Unless you’re on the beach or by the pool, then anything tight, transparent, short or displaying your stomach, shoulders or back if you’re a woman, is considered indecent. Same if you’re a man in shorts or displaying a bare chest. Photography of certain government buildings is also illegal, as is perusing any form of pornographic material. If all else fails, smuggle in a bacon sandwich – pork is banned – and a poppy seed roll will add to the criminality of the action, as poppy seeds are also on the UAE’s forbidden list.

 

Source: http://uk.travel.yahoo.com/p-promo-3312428

SRI LANKA: The Domestic Violence Act and the actual situation

When we consider the daily reports in the electronic media, television, radio and the printed media as well as the many incidents that are brought to our attention it is blatantly clear to see that wives and children are being subjected to many difficulties and remain vulnerable. I have personally handled many cases of victims who have been injured due to domestic violence.

We can define domestic violence as such: physical, mental, sexual and economic abuse caused by hurtful or unwanted behavior, perpetrated by one member of a household against another.

The Domestic Violence Act provides special protection to the wives and the children in vulnerable situations, especially against the cruelties that happen domestically and even against continuing harassments. There are also special provisions that enable parties to take even legal action. When I deal with the victims, the wives who were subjected to domestic violence, I recognized that this is one of the major problems that exist in our country. Almost all cases of abuse require hospitalization and sadly there are but a few of the actual number as the vast majority of the victims hide their abuse under the carpet and, as a result, suffer alone.

Moreover, many people consider domestic violence a personal grievance and they say it is a dispute between husband and wife within the family. Then they do not consider it as a crime. And many of those who have experienced domestic violence do not want to expose their experience in public.

The reasons for not taking action against an abusive spouse are many: economic, cultural and most importantly, insufficient protection for victims.

Cultural Problems 

According to Sri Lankan culture when disputes happen inside the house, for example, between parents and their children or a husband and wife, they usually try to solve the problems themselves and do not want to talk about it in the open. Finally, it is the wife that will bear the problems because if she takes legal action against her husband she will be beaten on her return home.

Culturally Sri Lanka is a male oriented society. Traditionally family matters would never be dealt with in public and women are expected to protect the family reputation under any circumstances and it is considered a great failure and humiliation if they do not manage to do so.

Even as lawyers when we intervene on behalf of women the objection that has been brought is: “Are you not hurting the institution of the family through this law? It is not better to settle these things privately and amicably?” So if even the lawyers take this view how can we can expect a change to our cultural values?

In many cases, through women know about the law against domestic violence and they have been encouraged by NGO, or other legal aid institutions to bring their cases before a court they consciously decide not to file a complaint or case against their husbands because of the above reason.

Economic problems 

In many cases, women continue to tolerate harassment and abuse from their husbands because they are the main breadwinner of the family and protecting the stability of the family is seen as more important than anything else.

For instance, a father sexually abused and raped his 11-year-old daughter while the child’s mother had gone to a well to get water, when she returned the child was screaming and bleeding. She brought the child to the hospital. When questioned by the doctors and nurses they were able to collect enough evidence to believe that the father had abused and raped the child, but the mother begged them not to tell the police because, firstly, she would be, killed by her husband, secondly, her family would fall apart and thirdly, she would lose all her earnings.

On many occasions, people believe that the damage that is caused by seeking justice from the system is much more than the damage that the crime has done.

Police neglect their duties

The reality is that most of domestic violence victims would never seek assistance from the police as they are well aware of how the police proceed and how they are treated. I have also seen many people who ended up getting divorced after seeking the intervention of the police in their dispute because of the manner in which police officers handle their complaints. Not only that but also they do not give priority for this type of problem. For instance, one woman had gone to the police station repeatedly to complain about her husband and the overwhelming abuse that she has suffered over many years. After more than 10 visits to the police, the officers tried to negotiate between the two parties. But unfortunately that night, the wife was murdered by her husband because in revenge for going to the police against his wishes.

Obviously in this case they made an incorrect assessment of the situation, so those officers should be held responsible for her death. I honestly believe police officers have made many errors in the procedures of handling these cases.

As a solution of above problems the Sri Lanka police department has established a special branch called the Women and Childcare Bureau which has branches in almost all police stations all over the country. Women police officers are normally attached to these bureaus. But most of those cases are sexual related crimes so victims tolerate these incidents and hide them from the legal system out of embarrassment and fear of future consequences.

Moreover, According to this Act Article 2(C) clearly indicate and give power to the police to prosecute domestic violence cases.
Article 2, An aggrieved person to make an application,
Article 2(2), an application under subsection,
May be made,
(a) By an aggrieved person or,
(c) By a police officer on behalf of an aggrieved person. 

But they very often neglect or abuse this power. For example, In one case there was a woman, married to a three-wheeler driver,. The husband hurt the woman using swords and knives. Finally she has lost her right hand two fingers and totally lost the sight in her left eye. However, the police took the side of the husband. There were many cases that the police could have done these things. This victim experiences a lot of difficulties from the police, which even refuse to give copies of the complaints made by her. This is because the alleged perpetrators influence the police and build up relationships with them so that the police harass the victims.

There are a lot of good points in the laws on domestic violence. One of the positive features of the law is that anyone facing domestic violence being able to apply for a protection orders which against the perpetrators. It permits speedy action for prevention of domestic violence. Protection orders are issued for a period of 12 months by a magistrate which bars the aggressor from committing acts of domestic violence and entering the victim’s residence, among other prohibitions. But in order to obtain the relief available there are a lot of obstacles because it has to be done under the existing circumstances of the policing service.

Victim protection 
Another big challenge is the lack of victim protection. As I mentioned earlier, the one of the main reason is husband is often the main breadwinner in the family. So most women depend on their partner economically as almost all women have no their own house or land. As a result of this they do not take any legal action against this violence. For instance, if a woman goes to a police station and tries to take legal action against her husband when she goes back home she will be beaten by husband.

I think this should be the most important thing to include this Act. As no shelter or housing facilities is offered by this Act the aggrieved person cannot request shelter. The only thing they can hope for is temporary accommodation. However, only a few NGOs, such as women’s development center in Kandy, has shelter facilities for abused women and children.

Furthermore, violence is a major and growing public health problem. In Sri Lanka 30-40 percent of women suffer from some kind of violence. However more than 60 percent of women across Sri Lanka are victims of domestic violence while 44 percent of pregnant women are also subjected to harassment, according to a 2006 survey conducted by the ministry of child development and women’s empowerment.

The common belief is that violence is more prevalent in the lower income groups but violence is prevalent in the socially privileged groups as well. The truth is that women throughout their lives have been suffering in silence.

Why we should try to eradicate this domestic violence? 

It is responsible for so many problems in our society such as serious health issues, chronic illness like constant abdominal pain and headache and menstrual disturbances. Violence during pregnancy which could lead to abortion and premature birth and bleeding during pregnancy causing risk to the mother could be long term and detrimental. That is why this message should be inculcated in the minds of all.

What are the causes of acts of violence? 

Inebriation is one cause of acts of violence. However, while alcohol is not the sole contributory factor of domestic violence it is predominant in the society. Also relationships among family members, family attitudes, cultural beliefs and the traditional role of husband and wife play a role. But whatever the reason be, there is no justification for violence in the family.

According to my professional experience I realized that the task of eliminating domestic violence from a society is not that simple and cannot overcome in a day. But I do strongly believe that it is a contemporary necessity that we have a law that can control domestic violence in some way. But as I mentioned above there are a few areas which need strengthening, especially the deficiencies in the Act such as implement to shelter facilities, monitoring police etc. Also government and organizations like the health sector, women’s organizations, the police and the judiciary should do their duties and provide services to the people to make a change of their lives for better future.

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About AHRC: The Asian Human Rights Commission is a regional non-governmental organisation that monitors human rights in Asia, documents violations and advocates for justice and institutional reform to ensure the protection and promotion of these rights. The Hong Kong-based group was founded in 1984.

Visit our new website with more features at www.humanrights.asia.

Saudi girls’ school defies clerics with basketball – paper

A girls’ school in Saudi Arabia has defied a religious ban on female sports by erecting basketball hoops and letting pupils play at break-time, the daily al-Watan reported on Wednesday.

Powerful clerics in the conservative Islamic kingdom have long spoken against allowing girls to play sports.

Saudi Arabia’s austere interpretation of Islamic law prevents women from working, opening bank accounts or having some elective surgery without the permission of a male relative. They are not allowed to drive.

King Abdullah has pushed for women to have better opportunities in education and employment and last year said they could vote and run for office in future municipal elections, the only official polls in the monarchy.

The school in Saudi Arabia’s Eastern Province has now become the first state-run girls school openly to encourage sports, Watan reported, quoting a supervisor as saying it would expend pupils’ energy “in a positive way”.

Private girls schools already offer sports classes.

In recent months Saudi Arabia has faced criticism for having never fielded a woman athlete at the Olympics, with Human Rights Watch calling for it be barred from this year’s London games.

Amid mounting international scrutiny of the issue, local media reported this month that the deputy education minister for female student affairs, the kingdom’s first woman minister, was looking into setting up “a comprehensive physical education programme” for both sexes.

“The school administration is hoping to instill the importance of sports among the students and introduce them to its benefits, as well as allowing them to spend their spare time doing something beneficial,” Amina Bu Bsheit, a school supervisor, was quoted as saying by Watan.

She added that the school, which was not named in Watan‘s report, still does not provide a physical education class but that the students play during weekly “activities classes”.

 

Source: http://www.arabianbusiness.com/saudi-girls-school-defies-clerics-with-basketball-paper-455336.html

Power night: 100 most powerful Arab women

Many experts might say that a list of the Arab world’s most powerful women was long overdue. In 2011, CEO Middle East magazine published its inaugural rankings. The response was astonishing.
As a result, when the second annual list was published at the beginning of March, ITP Executive held a gala event at the Emirates Towers hotel in Dubai to celebrate.
The star-studded line-up was led by Her Excellency Sheikha Lubna Al Qasimi, the UAE’s minister for foreign trade, who took first place on the list and gave a keynote speech.
Further glamour was lent by the presence of the Lebanese pop diva Elissa, who was joined by a host of other women representing virtually every Middle Eastern country.
From fashion to art, from singers to style icons, and from bankers to construction magnates, the packed-out event was lauded as a sterling success.
In addition, five extra awards were handed out to commemorate exceptional contributions in particular fields.

1. Outstanding Contribution to the Arts
Her Highness Sheikha Latifa Al Maktoum
The winner is the founder of Tashkeel, a new concept that aims to provide a dynamic environment in Dubai where artists can gather to create, attend workshops, interact and, of course, showcase their pieces. The success of Tashkeel — which has won a huge following — stems from Sheikha Latifa’s dedication to the flourishing multicultural arts scene in Dubai.

2. Outstanding Contribution to Science
Professor Ilham Al Qaradawi
Over the past decade, Ilham Al Qaradawi, a professor of nuclear physics, has been instrumental in establishing a positron laboratory at Qatar University, and successfully built the first variable slow positron beam in the Middle East. She is also hoping to link her department’s work closely with CERN — the world-famous European Organisation for Nuclear Research.

3. Outstanding Contribution to Humanitarian Causes
HE Sarah Shuhail
Sarah Shuhail is an Emirati national who set up a shelter for the victims of human trafficking in the UAE five years ago. Her charity, Ewa’a Shelters, provides temporary shelter for up to 30 women and children, and funds their psychological, medical and legal assistance, as well as helping them with their rehabilitation. The charity has benefited from a $270,000 donation from Sheikha Fatima Bint Mubarak, the widow of His Highness Sheikh Zayed.
4. Outstanding Contribution to Sports
Elham Qasimi
Two years ago, Elham Qasimi made her way across 120 kilometres of some of the most inhospitable terrain on the planet. On a typical day, she skied for an average of eight hours, with a ten-minute break every two hours to cook her own food and rest. Despite incredible hardship, she finally reached her goal – becoming the first Arab woman (and the first Emirati) to ski unassisted to the North Pole.

5. Outstanding Contribution to Medicine
Hayat Sindi
Hayat Sindi was awarded a PhD from the University of Cambridge, and has been credited with the invention of a sensor that combines the use of light and sound for use in biotechnology. She is the co-founder of Diagnostics for All — an organisation that is developing cheaper tools for diagnosing diseases for those in the developing world — and is also a fellow at PopTech, a US-based non-profit organisation that offers fellowships to young inventors.

 

 

Source:http://www.arabianbusiness.com/power-night-100-most-powerful-arab-women-453277.html

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Arab unrest caused by “sin” – Saudi Grand Mufti

Saudi Arabia’s top religious official has blamed Muslim sinfulness for instability in the Middle East, where pro-democracy unrest has toppled four heads of state.

“The schism, instability, the malfunctioning of security and the breakdown of unity that Islamic countries are facing these days is a result of the sins of the public and their transgressions,” Grand Mufti Sheikh Abdulaziz Al al-Sheikh was quoted as saying by al-Watan newspaper.

In a Friday sermon, he accused “chaotic” people of wearing mask of “democracy and equality” for actions leading to injustice and instability within the umma, or Muslim nation.

Revolts that erupted last year have removed Arab autocrats in Tunisia, Egypt, Libya and Yemen and are still raging in Syria and Bahrain. They gave voice to millions of people who suffered decades of repression but have alarmed Gulf Arab rulers.

Ties between Riyadh and Cairo were strained by the fall of President Hosni Mubarak, a close Saudi ally, and by the rising power of the Muslim Brotherhood in Egypt, an organisation viewed with suspicion by many Gulf governments.

On Friday an Egyptian delegation visited Saudi King Abdullah to smooth a spat caused by protests at the Saudi embassy in Cairo, which had led to the recall of the Saudi ambassador. The king later ordered the envoy back Cairo and the embassy said he would return on Saturday.

Last month, the grand mufti was criticised after international media quoted him as saying all churches in the Arabian Peninsula should be destroyed, angering Christian bishops in Austria, Germany, and Russia. The comments could not be verified by Saudi officials.

 

Source: http://www.arabianbusiness.com/arab-unrest-caused-by-sin-saudi-grand-mufti-456569.html

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May 6th, 2012  in Dating and Religion No Comments »

Short Points On Oppressing one’s wife

By Mufti Ismail Musa Menk
  • Giving preference to your friends over your wife is oppression.
  • Screaming and yelling at your wife is oppression.
  • Coming home late each night or coming to bed late each night without a valid excuse is oppression.
  • Wasting time on the internet or phone, television or games whilst your wife is waiting for you is oppression.
  • Not spending reasonable time with your wife is oppression.
  • Not commending her upon her goodness, sacrifice and achievements whilst only harping on her weaknesses is oppression. Be fair!
  • Not correcting her in the most loving manner and going around publicizing her errors or wrongdoings is oppression.
  • Not providing at least the basic food, clothing,  shelter and other basic needs for her is oppression.
  • Not appreciating that she is someone’s daughter or sister and treating her like a slave is oppression.
  • Allowing your mother or family members to disrespect or maltreat your wife is oppression.
  • Allowing others to invade her privacy is oppression.
  • Not giving her the rest that she deserves post child birth is oppression.
  • Swearing and cursing your wife is oppression.
  • Making false promises to your wife is oppression.
  • These are just some ways that men oppress their wives.
  • Shame upon those men who oppress their wives.
  • Are you one of them?
 
  • Well, change your ways, apologize and repent before the Almighty overtakes you with His Wrath.
  • Remember the Holy prophet Muhammed (pbuh) says, “The best of you are those best to their wives.” ——————————————————————————————————-My Blog on Tazkiya and Maarifahttp://tazkiyatips.blogspot.com/
May 6th, 2012  in Dating and Religion No Comments »

Female circumcision anger aired in India

NEW DELHI: Eleven years ago, Farida Bano was circumcised by an aunt on a bunk bed in her family home at the end of her 10th birthday party.

The mutilation occurred not in Africa, where the practice is most prevalent, but in India where a small Muslim sub-sect known as the Dawoodi Bohra continues to believe that the removal of the clitoris is the will of God.

“We claim to be modern and different from other Muslim sects. We are different but not modern,” Bano, a 21-year-old law graduate who is angry about what was done to her, told AFP in New Delhi.

She vividly remembers the moment in the party when the aunt pounced with a razor blade and a pack of cotton wool.

While the sect bars other Muslims from its mosques, it sees itself as more liberal, treating men and women equally in matters of education and marriage.

The community’s insistence on “Khatna” (the excision of the clitoris) also sets it apart from others on the subcontinent.

“If other Muslims are not doing it then why are we following it?” Bano says.

For generations, few women in the tightly-knit community have spoken out in opposition, fearing that to air their grievances would be seen as an act of revolt frowned upon by their elders.

But an online campaign is now encouraging them to join hands to bury the custom.

The anti-Khatna movement gained momentum after Tasneem, a Bohra woman who goes by one name, posted an online petition at the social action platform Change.org in November last year.

She requested their religious leader, the 101-year-old Syedna Mohammed Burhanuddin, ban female genital mutilation, the consequences of which afflict 140 million women worldwide according to the World Health Organisation.

Syedna Mohammed Burhanuddin is the 52nd Dai-al Mutalaq (absolute missionary) of the community and has sole authority to decide on all spiritual and temporal matters.

Every member of the sect takes an oath of allegiance to the leader, who lives in western city of Mumbai.

When contacted by AFP, Burhanuddin’s spokesman, Qureshi Raghib, ruled out any change and said he had no interest in talking about the issue.

“I have heard about the online campaign but Bohra women should understand that our religion advocates the procedure and they should follow it without any argument,” he said.

A gathering protest

But over 1,600 Bohra Muslim women have since signed the online petition.

Many describe the pain they experienced after the procedure and urge their leader to impose a ban.

“The main motive behind Khatna is that women should never enjoy sexual intercourse. We are supposed to be like dolls for men,” 34-year-old Tabassum Murtaza, who lives in the western city of Surat, told AFP by telephone.

The World Health Organisation has campaigned against the practice, saying it exposes millions of girls to dangers ranging from infections, hemorrhaging, complicated child-birth, or hepatitis from unsterilised tools.

In the Middle East, it is still practised in Yemen, Saudi Arabia, Iraq, Jordan and Syria.

“It is an atrocity committed under the cloak of religion,” says Murtaza, who along with her husband was asked to leave their family home when they refused to get their daughter circumcised.

“My mother-in-law said there was no room for religious disobedience and we should move out if we cannot respect the custom,” she explained. “It is better to live on the street than humiliate your daughter’s body.”

Speaking out

Asghar Ali Engineer, a Bohra Muslim and expert on Islamic jurisprudence, has known the dangers of fighting for reform.

He has authored over 40 books proposing changes, particularly around the status of women, and has been attacked by hardliners inside a mosque in Egypt and had his house trashed by opponents.

While both France and the United States have laws enabling the prosecution of immigrants who perform female circumcisions, the practice remains legal in India and Engineer expects this to remain the case.

“Female circumcision is clearly a violation of human rights, the Indian government refuses to recognise it as a crime because the practice has full-fledged religious backing,” he said.

“No government has the courage to touch a religious issue in India even if the practice is a crime against humanity.”

He says many fathers are simply unaware of the damage they are doing by following the custom.

“I prevented my wife from getting our daughters circumcised but in many cases even fathers are not aware of the pain their daughters experience,” he says.

 

Source: http://dawn.com/2012/04/23/female-circumcision-anger-aired-in-india-fm/

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Saudi might soon set min marriage age – report

Saudi Arabia is edging closer to setting a minimum age for marriage, a Justice Ministry official was quoted as saying on Wednesday, following international criticism of cases of child brides.

“The ministry has adopted a clear stance on under-age marriages and the issue was raised to the regulators,” Mohammed al-Babetein, head of the Justice Ministry’s marriages department, was quoted as saying in the daily al-Madina newspaper.

“It supports setting unified regulations to deal with such practices, which will ensure the safety of young girls,” he said.

Babetein said the ministry was still in discussions over what age the limit should be set at, al-Madina reported.

Last May the consultative Shoura Council, which advises the government on new laws, was reported in the local press as recommending the introduction of a minimum marriage age but there have been no concrete reports of further progress.

Human rights organisation Amnesty International said the Saudi government had been saying for several years that it planned to introduce a minimum age for marriage.

“But until we see actual legislation and how it’s implemented, rather than merely fine words, we will continue to have serious concerns about lack of protection for girls from early and forced marriage,” said James Lynch, Amnesty’s Middle East spokesman.

Saudi Arabia, a patriarchal society that applies an austere version of Sunni Islam, currently has no minimum legal age for marriage and fathers are granted guardianship over their daughters, giving them control over who they can marry and when.

Financial considerations have in the past prompted some Saudi families to wed young daughters to much older men in return for lavish dowries.

Many Saudi clerics, including the kingdom’s most senior religious figure Grand Mufti Sheikh Abdulaziz Al al-Sheikh, endorse the practice subject to some restrictions such as ensuring the girl has reached puberty.

Cases of child marriage, including brides as young as eight years old, have made headlines in local and international media in recent years, drawing heavy criticism against the conservative US ally.

In 2010, the Saudi Human Rights Commission, a government-affiliated group, hired a lawyer to help a 12-year old divorce her 80-year old husband.

Activists at the time saw the divorce proceedings as a test case that could pave the way for introducing a minimum age for marriage.

In 2009 the Justice Minister said that there were plans to regulate the marriages of young girls after a court refused to nullify the marriage of an eight-year old girl to a man 50 years her senior.

Saudi Arabia is a signatory of the United Nations Convention on the Rights of a Child, which considers those under the age of 18 as children.

 

Source:http://www.arabianbusiness.com/saudi-might-soon-set-min-marriage-age-report-454458.html

April 19th, 2012  in Dating and Religion No Comments »

Fighting talk

The best ways to diffuse an argument

A good row can bring up festering issues and really help to clear the air, but go about it the wrong way and you could end up starting World War Three. Kate Taylor, relationship expert at match.com, gives her advice on the best way to deal with an argument…

Don’t bring up past squabbles 

A current disagreement might have pertinent relevance to a vintage row from 2007, but don’t expect thanks for bringing that up. Instead of helping, it will just make your partner feel as if nothing ever truly gets resolved – and they’ll give up trying to fix this one too.

Don’t use tears as a weapon

Crying out of upset or frustration is understandable, but using tears as a manipulation tool is unforgivable – and likely to be unsuccessful. Research shows that men are actually turned off by seeing women cry, meaning he’s likely to be left unmoved.

Talk about your feelings

Men use logic in arguments. You can’t fight logic. Instead, explain how you feel about the topic in hand. His urge to make you happy (and his pride when he does) should help him come your way.

Book in a time to row

Don’t expect a good outcome if you interrupt your man to tell him all the ways he’s wrong/not up to scratch/driving you mad. Instead, open the conversation with: “I need to talk to you about something important – is now a good time?” This respect will make him less likely to become defensive and more likely to be accommodating.

Vote with your feet

If your other half has let you down badly, get away for a while. Even if it’s just for two hours round at a friend’s house. It will give him space to process, and your absence is a far more powerful signal of your anger than a string of furious words.

 

Source: http://uk.match.yahoo.net/edito/index.php?mtcmk=080405&name=5/118/2864-fighting-talk.html

April 13th, 2012  in Cultures and Our Life No Comments »

Baby girl’s death shows preference for sons in India

Source: A three-month-old baby girl that police say was battered by her father who wanted a son died on Wednesday, highlighting the plight of millions of India’s “unwanted girls”.

Neha Afreen died from cardiac arrest at a state-run hospital in India’s tech hub of Bangalore after battling for life for three days.

“We tried our best to revive Afreen but could not succeed and she succumbed to her injuries,” hospital executive Gangadhar Belawadi told AFP.

Reshma Bano wails as she holds the body of her three-month-old daughter Neha Afreen outside a hospital morgue in Bangalore, after allegedly being battered by her father for being born a girl.

Reshma Bano wails as she holds the body of her three-month-old daughter Neha Afreen outside a hospital morgue in Bangalore, after allegedly being battered by her father for being born a girl. -AP Photo

 

Afreen was brought to the hospital with head injuries, abrasions and bite marks all over the body, causing national outrage that led to the arrest of her father on Monday.

“My husband was enraged with me for delivering a girl,” Afreen’s mother Reshma Banu told reporters. “He hated her. He wanted me to get rid of the child or abandon her as he wanted a son.”Afreen’s case is the latest in a string of incidents across India where baby girls have been abandoned, tortured or even killed because they were unwanted.

“The cruelty against girls is crossing all limits,” Ranjana Kumari, director of the non-profit Centre for Social Research, told AFP.

“We need to do a lot more to sensitise the society towards the worth of girls and severely punish people guilty of such crimes.”In March, an abandoned two-year-old girl died at a New Delhi hospital after suffering horrific injuries, including broken arms and a smashed skull.

Last week, a newborn baby girl in western Jodhpur was abandoned as her parents fought for the custody of a baby boy handed to them by mistake.

The parents insisted the baby was not their child and only accepted her after 11 days when the results of a DNA test were shown to them.

Married women in patriarchal India face huge pressure to produce sons who are seen as breadwinners and carers for their parents.

Girls are often viewed as a burden in traditional families as they require hefty dowries to be married off and the practice of aborting female foetuses is rampant.

The preference for male children has led to a huge and alarming gender imbalance, with 2011 census data showing just 914 girls per 1,000 boys across India — much behind the global benchmark of 952.

 

Source: http://dawn.com/2012/04/11/baby-girls-death-shows-preference-for-sons-in-india/

April 12th, 2012  in Cultures and Our Life No Comments »

Technology without God is dangerous, pope says

Pope Benedict, leading the world’s Catholics into Easter, said on Saturday technological progress, in the absence of awareness of God and moral values, posed a threat to the world.

Benedict presided at a solemn Easter vigil Mass in St Peter’s Basilica to usher the 1.2 billion-member church into the most important day of its liturgical calendar.

The basilica, the largest church in Christendom, was in the dark for the start of the service to signify the darkness in Jesus’ tomb before what Christians believe was his resurrection from the dead three days after his crucifixion.

The some 10,000 faithful in the basilica lit candles as the pope moved up the central aisle on a wheeled platform he uses to conserve his strength and then the basilica’s lights were turned on when he reached the main altar.

Wearing gold and white vestments at the Mass, his last Holy Week service before Easter Sunday, Benedict wove his sermon around the theme of darkness and light.

“The darkness that poses a real threat to mankind, after all, is the fact that he can see and investigate tangible material things, but cannot see where the world is going orwhence it comes, where our own life is going, what is good and what is evil,” he said.

“The darkness enshrouding God and obscuring values is the real threat to our existence and to the world in general,” he said.

Benedict, repeating one of the central themes of his pontificate, said man was too often in awe of technology instead of being in awe of God.

“If God and moral values, the difference between good and evil, remain in darkness, then all other ‘lights’, that put such incredible technical feats within our reach, are not only progress but also dangers that put us and the world at risk,” he said.

“With regard to material things, our knowledge and our technical accomplishments are legion, but what reaches beyond, the things of God and the question of good, we can no longer identify,” he said.

The pope, who returned from a gruelling trip to Mexico and Cuba last week, looked fatigued at the long service, during which be baptised eight adults from Italy, the United States, Slovakia, Turkmenistan, Albania, Germany and Cameroon. He turns 85 on April 16.

On Sunday the pope will preside at an Easter day Mass and then deliver his twice-yearly “Urbi et Orbi” (to the city and the world) blessing and message from the central balcony of St Peter’s Basilica.

 

Source: http://dawn.com/2012/04/08/technology-without-god-is-dangerous-pope-says/

Some beautiful tips

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Lee Majors 
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.

Al Gore By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.

Socrates Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

Mike Tyson The great question.. which I have not been able to answer… is, “Whatdoes a woman want?

George ClooneyI had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

Bill Clinton “Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.”

George W. Bush “I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.”

Rudy Giuliani“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.”

Michael Jordan “I’ve had bad luck with all my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.” The third gave me more children!

Donald Trump Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you’re right, shut up.

Shaquille O’NealThe most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once…

Kobe Bryant You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

David HasselhoffMy wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

Alec Baldwin A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.

Barack Obama Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.

Tommy LeeA man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted”. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”

Brad PittFirst Guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!”
Second Guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”

Jimmy Kimmel

“Honey, what happened to ‘ladies first’?” Husband replies, “That’s the reason why the world’s a mess today, because a lady went first!”
David Letterman

“First there’s the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding ring…soon after….comes Suffer…ing!
Jay Leno SEND THIS TO ALL THE GUYS TO GIVE THEM A GOOD LAUGH…….AND TO THOSE LADIES WITH A SENSE OF HUMOUR WHO CAN HANDLE IT!!!!!!!


April 9th, 2012  in Cultures and Our Life No Comments »

Pucker up: The art of kissing

Judas did it to Jesus, Britney did it to Madonna, Prince Charming did it to Sleeping Beauty. Birds do something like it, bees don’t, and Bonobo apes have been observed doing it for 12 minutes straight (they prefer the tongue-sucking method). This Valentine’s Day, you might be doing it, too.

Kissing is the universal language. It is mirrored in the animal kingdom and in human terms it is arguably the most evocative behaviour we exhibit towards each other. Studies show that people remember the details of their first kiss more clearly than they do of any other of life’s firsts; including first sexual experience.

Despite its deep roots in human culture, until recently kissing was a mystery. Scientists have only started to study it in the last few decades and there is still no definitive answer as to why we kiss; except that perhaps we do it because it feels good.

In fact, though, the mouth-to-mouth kissing we are familiar with is a relatively recent global phenomenon. Just over 100 years ago there were still many cultures in the world where smooching was alien. Nineteenth-century explorers discovered several civilisations which had never encountered kissing and instead had their own idiosyncratic romantic practices.

In his 1864 book, Savage Africa, British explorer William Winwood Reade described how an African princess he fell in love with thought he was trying to eat her when he approached her for a kiss. Reade also described how one tribe he encountered greeted each other by talking in baby language and patting each other’s chests; “the kiss is unknown among the Africans”, he surmised. In 1929, anthropologist Bronislaw Malinowski visited the Trobriand Islands and discovered that lovers there would go through several phases of sucking and nibbling during intercourse before biting off each other’s eyelashes at the point of orgasm.

Many cultures newly introduced to the Western kiss found it abhorrent. Around the same time that Reade was bothering African royalty, another traveller, Bayard Taylor, studied Finnish tribes and observed that while naked inter-sex bathing was commonplace, kissing was considered indecent.

By the 1970s, however, these remote no-kissing zones had all but been wiped out. A study found that 90 per cent of the world’s cultures kissed mouth-to-mouth; that figure is now assumed to be closer to 100 per cent. At some point in the past 40 years, mass media homogenised kissing.

Philematologists – people who study kissing – record that the earliest reference to kissing-like behaviour is found in the 1500BC Vedic Sanskrit texts from India. Although there was no word for ‘kiss’ back then, the Hindu documents refer to the act of ‘smelling with the mouth’. Kissing was big in India. Another Hindu text describes lovers ‘setting mouth to mouth’ and in the fourth century BC, the epic Indian poem Mahabharata describes affectionate mouth kissing. The act is also referenced in seventh century BC Babylonian stone tablets and in ancient Greek in the works of Homer. Several centuries later the lip kiss was well on its way to global dominance thanks to invading Roman soldiers who introduced the practice to the nations they conquered.

Over the years kissing has challenged great thinkers from Jonathan Swift to Charles Darwin, who believed that puckering up was an innate human act encoded in our genes.

Modern thinking is that kissing is both nature and nurture, and has evolved over human history. One theory suggests that cavemen licked each other’s cheeks as a way of obtaining salt and another theorises that, in the days before lightbulbs, people had to get close and sniff each other to recognise family members. This brush of the face with the nose is thought by some to have evolved into the European-style social kiss.

According to Rutgers University Anthropologist Helen Fisher, kissing evolved to facilitate three essential needs: sex drive, romantic need and attachment. Each is a component of human reproduction and kissing bolsters all three. In this theory, kissing helps people find a partner, commit to them and stay with them long enough to have a child.

Sheril Kirshenbaum is the scientific queen of kissing. She is a biologist from the University of Texas and author of The Science of Kissing. She says: “The truth is we don’t know exactly when and where kissing began but it is probably something that arose and disappeared throughout human history for a variety of reasons. Humans seem to have an instinctive drive to connect with each other in this way but the style and shape of it is informed by culture and experience.

“When an infant is born, his or her first experiences of love and comfort and security usually involve some kind of kissing, so from a neuroscience perspective we are hard-wired at an early age to associate these positive emotions with lip contact.”

Before formula milk, the most sustained contact a baby had with its mother was usually through nursing and in many cultures, before baby food was widely available, parents pre-chewed food and passed it into their infant’s mouth by tongue.

As an individual grows, kissing develops to fulfil a range of functions. In children it is used playfully as a way to bond with peers. Research by Goldsmiths College found that five-year-old boys used playful hugging and kissing in the same way that adolescent boys play-fight to reinforce masculinity. The study, carried out on reception classes in two schools, found that boys were far more likely than girls to make physical contact.

In adulthood, kissing also has multifaceted purposes. When a woman kisses a man, the contact enables her to gauge his suitability as a mate by picking up on his hormonal markers.

Kirshenbaum explains: “Our sense of smell tells us a lot about other people and whether they may be a potential partner and even a genetic match. It happens on a subconscious level and kissing puts us in the closest proximity possible to get a sample. Women have a stronger sense of smell and taste and when we are kissing we use the information we get from our senses. It is nature’s ultimate litmus test.”

Endocrinologists have found that through kissing, women can sample a section of a potential partner’s genome called the major histocompatibility complex (MHC). The MHC are codes for the immune system and women are attracted to the scent of men with a different MHC to themselves.

“The advantage is that if you pair up with someone who has a diverse MHC, your children will be healthier and more likely to survive,” adds Kirshenbaum. It is also believed that kissing allows partners to smell each other’s pheromones.

Kissing styles vary from culture to culture – Inuits prefer a sucking motion – but the open-mouthed French kiss has distinct advantages for men. Saliva contains small amounts of testosterone and it is thought that if a man kisses a partner repeatedly with an open mouth, over time he will pass on a quantity of the hormone. Women are more sensitive to testosterone than men and over weeks and months this raised level of testosterone will increase her libido and make her more sexually receptive.

Results of a psychological study on student’s attitudes towards kissing at Albany University in New York, led by Gordon Gallup, reinforce these biological theories. The men surveyed overwhelmingly described kissing as a means to a sexual end whereas women reported that kissing allowed them to gauge how a prospective partner felt about them and whether the relationship was worth pursuing.

So why does the act of kissing feel so good? Biologically, when we lock lips, our bodies erupt with a cocktail of feel-good neurotransmitters such as endorphins, dopamine, serotonin, adrenaline and oxytocin; also known as the love hormone. It is also an activity which engages all the senses.

Kirshenbaum says: “People remember their first kiss more than their first sexual experience probably because kissing is such an active process. Our brains are totally engaged during kissing. The amount of neuro real estate associated with our lips is disproportionately enormous and when we have those really important kisses we are most likely coding them so we can remember the experience later.”

Although there’s no formula for the perfect kiss, Kirshenbaum explains that the best kisses rely on the right frame of mind. “Stress and kissing don’t mix,” she says. “There needs to be anticipation and an understanding of the desires between partners.”

Kissing is an evolving act and 22nd-century kisses may look very different than the smackers we give each other today, relying more on technology than on human touch. Scientists in Japan (where else?) have already invented a kissing machine.

Earlier this year inventors at the Kajimoto Laboratory in the University of Electro-communications in Tokyo unveiled a prototype machine designed to mimic the feeling of a French kiss. The ‘Kiss Transmission Device’ recorded the movement of a kisser’s tongue using a straw-like device and mimicked this movement in the mouth of a recipient using another machine. The ‘kiss information’ recorded by the device for different individuals can be freely replayed.

“For example, if a popular entertainer uses this device and records it, that could be hugely popular if you offer it to fans,” says researcher Nobuhiro Takashi. “The elements of a kiss include the sense of taste, the manner of breathing, and the moistness of the tongue. If we can recreate all of those I think it will be a really powerful device.”

At present our clunky technological attempts to recreate kissing are about as romantic as a clinch with Wall E, but perhaps in the not-too-distant future we could all own an electronic mouth, download a Britney kiss from iTunes and snog each other via Skype.

Secret world of snogging

* The word kiss comes from the Old English cyssan from the proto-Germanic kussijanan or kuss, which is probably based on the sound kissing can make.

* On Valentine’s Day last year, a couple in Thailand (pictured below) locked lips for 46 hours, 24 minutes, and nine seconds, making it the longest kiss ever recorded.

* A woman in China partially lost her hearing after her boyfriend reportedly ruptured her eardrum with a passionate kiss. Apparently, the kiss reduced the pressure in the mouth, pulled the eardrum out, and caused the breakdown of the ear.

* French kissing involves all 34 muscles in the face. A regular kiss involves only two.

* Passionate kissing burns 6.4 calories a minute.

* It is possible for a woman to reach an orgasm through kissing.

* During the Middle Ages, witches’ souls were supposed to be initiated into the rites of the Devil by a series of kisses, including kissing the Devil’s anus.

* The mouth is full of bacteria. When two people kiss, they exchange between 10 million and 1 billion bacteria.

* The average person spends about 15 days kissing throughout the course of a lifetime.

* Alfred Wolfram holds the record for kissing the most people. In 1990 he smooched 8,001 people in eight hours.

April 8th, 2012  in Love and our Life No Comments »

Why first love never dies

Few things divide the country like Valentine’s Day. For the dewy-eyed romantics, it is the perfect excuse to burn candles and proffer overpriced out-of-season roses in pursuit of, well, something.

But for those not in relationships, the feast of the patron saint of love is just an excuse for rampant commercialism; a tedious annual ordeal of punctured expectation; compounded loneliness and battered self-worth.

Yet we cannot get enough of it. This Tuesday, millions of couples across the country (some of whom can barely stand the sight of each other for the other 364 days of the year) will splash out on the hype. Britain spent more than £20m on Valentine’s Day cards alone last year, while more than a billion cards were sent worldwide.

So who, exactly, is to blame for all this? No one is sure: one story suggests he was a priest who defied Emperor Claudius II’s ban on young men marrying in third-century Rome. Claudius believed that single soldiers fought better than those with families, who would rather stay at home.

Valentine was summoned before the emperor and asked to stop marrying people and to serve the Roman Empire, in return for being pardoned. For rejecting this offer, Valentine was beaten, stoned and decapitated. He is said to have written a love letter to his jailor’s daughter, signed “from your Valentine”.

 

Read more: http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/romance-passion/why-first-love-never-dies-6782005.html

April 8th, 2012  in Marriage Issues No Comments »

Marrying up is on its way down

When the middle-class daughter of former flight attendants who counts miners among her ancestors married the second in line to the throne last year, it was hailed as the ultimate breaking down of social class barriers.

Yet Kate Middleton’s achievement in “marrying up” to become the Duchess of Cambridge is becoming increasingly rare, with more young British women choosing husbands from their own social class or lower, a new study has found.

Compared with their mothers, women in their twenties are less likely to marry men in a higher social class than their own, research by the IPPR think tank shows.

The authors suggest an entrenchment of social class and widening inequality over the past three decades have driven the phenomenon of “assortative mating”, or picking a partner similar to yourself. The proportion of women “marrying down” has also exceeded those “marrying up” for the first time.

Researchers analysed the backgrounds and marriage choices of women born in 1958, 1970 and 1981 to see how female aspirations have changed across the generations. With post-war social mobility on the rise, women born in 1958 were more likely to “marry up” than “marry down”. Some 38 per cent of women of this generation chose a partner in a higher social class, while 23 per cent married someone from a lower class. A total of 39 per cent married someone in the same class. Madonna, who was born in 1958, may be a multimillionaire but has working-class roots and married film director Guy Ritchie, the son of an army officer who has noble ancestry.

For those born in 1970, the proportion of women marrying someone in a higher social class fell to 32 per cent, although this was still more than those “marrying down”, at 23 per cent. Those marrying someone from the same social class accounted for 45 per cent. Zoë Ball, whose father was a TV presenter, chose someone from the same middle-class background as hers when she married Norman Cook, the son of a teacher and an environmental consultant.

However, today’s generation of brides, born between 1976 and 1981, is for the first time more likely to “marry down” than “marry up”. While the majority, 56 per cent, marry in the same class, those choosing a spouse from a lower social class account for 28 per cent, while only 16 per cent of women are marrying men from higher social backgrounds. One women born in 1981 who, it could gently be argued, “married down” is Princess Anne’s daughter Zara Phillips, who wed the middle-class rugby player Mike Tindall last year.

The IPPR suggests that one cause for the shift in marriage patterns is the changing jobs market since the war. In the 1950s and 1960s, deindustrialisation and the growth of women working in junior office jobs led to a trend of “marrying the boss”, the report says. But as inequality grew in the 1980s, with losses of blue-collar, middle-tier jobs, education became more closely linked to occupation, and social class began to “harden its grip on who people met and subsequently married”.

Nick Pearce, IPPR director, said: “This new analysis shows how social class has tightened its grip on marriage in Britain. In the post-war period of rising social mobility, men and women were more likely to marry across class lines than they do today. This shift has implications for inequality, as high earners marry each other and then pass on the fruits of their combined success to their children.”

The research also shows that more women of the current generation are marrying partners three or more years older, with the largest increase shown in women marrying men seven or more years their senior, who account for a fifth of this generation of married women. Mr Pearce said: “Age no longer seems to be a social taboo, with many more people marrying partners who are more than one or two years older than themselves than in the 1970s and 1980s. While governments have no business telling people who to marry, and have plenty of bigger economic inequalities to aim at, it is important for policymakers to understand these trends if they are to have a full understanding of what’s driving the stagnation in social mobility.”

The IPPR said the trends were important for understanding society today because, if more people marry within their own class, wider income inequalities are exacerbated. The trend will also cause child poverty rates to increase. When better-off people marry each other, they are able to invest more time and resources on their children’s development.

Recent OECD research showed that the earnings gap between the wives of rich and poor husbands in the UK has grown since the 1980s, from £3,900 in 1987 to £10,200 in 2004.

A report last year by the Organisation for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD) found that income inequality among working-age individuals has risen faster in the UK than in any other industrialised nation since 1975. The annual average income of the top 10 per cent of earners in 2008 was almost £55,000, nearly 12 times higher than those in the bottom 10 per cent, whose average income was £4,700. In 1985 the ratio was eight to one.

But it is not just in the UK where marrying up is in decline: across industrialised countries of the OECD, 11 per cent of the rise in inequality since the mid-1980s is attributed to “assortative mating”. In Sweden, an academic report last year concluded that “marriage behaviour is polarising” and argued that “marital homogamy” (marrying someone of the same class) is resistant to policy efforts to increase social mobility.

 Source:http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/marrying-up-is-on-its-way-down-7626980.html

Most alcohol, drug abuse starts in teen years-study

A survey of US teenagers found that most have used alcohol and drugs by the time they reach adulthood, and researchers said this could be setting many of those kids up for a lifetime of substance abuse.

The survey of more than 10,000 teens, published in the Archives of General Psychiatry, found that almost four out of five teens had tried alcohol and more than 15 per cent were abusing it by the time they turned 18-years-old. Some 16 per cent were abusing drugs by the age of 18.

“It’s in adolescence that the onset of substance abuse disorders occurs for most individuals,” said lead author Joel Swendsen, director of research at the National Center of Scientific Research in Bordeaux, France. “That’s where the roots take place.”

Some 18 per cent of adults meet standards for “lifetime abuse” of alcohol, and 11 per cent meet the criteria for drug abuse, the study said, suggesting an early start for at least some of those substance abusers.

The study is based on interviews with 10,123 US teens between the ages of 13 and 18-years-old. They were surveyed between February 2001 and January 2004.

Of the approximately 3,700 teens between the ages of 13 and 14, about 10 per cent were drinking alcohol regularly, defined as 12 drinks within a year. That number jumped to about half on the approximately 2,300 people surveyed 17- to 18-year-olds.

According to Swendsen’s team, almost one in three of the regular users in the oldest age group met the criteria for lifetime alcohol abuse. The median age of onset for alcohol abuse, with or without “dependence,” was 14.

As for drugs, about 60 per cent of the teens said they had the opportunity to use illicit drugs, such as marijuana, cocaine, tranquilizers, stimulants and painkillers.

About one in ten of the 13- and 14-year olds said they used at least one such drug, and that increased to about 40 per cent in the oldest age group. Marijuana was the most common type of drug used, followed by prescription drugs.

The median age of onset for drug abuse was 14 with dependence and 15 without dependence.

“The reason we worry about it is that the earlier they use these substances the earlier they become addicted to it,” said Susan Foster, vice president and director of policy research and analysis at the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University in New York.

Foster, who was not involved in the study, said starting to use potentially addictive substances is especially dangerous to younger people because their brains are still developing.

“There’s really a type of rewiring that goes on with continued use than can result in an increased interest in using and an inability to stop using,” she added.

Foster, whose organization published a comprehensive report on substance abuse in U.S. adolescents last year, said the numbers in the current report were consistent with past research.

“We’ve had spikes and declines of abuse across the population,” she told Reuters Health.

Swendsen’s team wrote that strategies need to target adolescents to prevent drug and alcohol abuse, but need to take into account the different forces that influence it.

“We don’t need to bombard them with information that’s beyond their stage of development, but don’t think a 13-year-old doesn’t know what cannabis is,” Swendsen told Reuters Health in a telephone interview.

 

Source: http://www.dawn.com/2012/04/03/most-alcohol-drug-abuse-starts-in-teen-years-study.html

April 4th, 2012  in Cultures and Our Life No Comments »

Love Your Partner As You’re Taught

In addition to culture, the media and other factors, religion plays a large role in romantic relationships.

Religion is an integral part of some people’s relationships. Whether it is going to services together or reading religious books, religion is a main factor that plays a large role. Some people will only date people of their same religion, while others who value religion are open to dating people with other beliefs. Religion is also important in some relationships because of how the religion defines love and relationships.

Emily Brenner, Fellowship of Catholic University Students (FOCUS) missionary, tries to help cultivate a Christian culture on campus in many aspects of life including romantic relationships. Love is a fundamental and innate vocation of every human being, Brenner says. “Dating is supposed to help you discern and lead to marriage, not meaning every person you date you have to think you have to marry. But every person is part of your story for a reason,” Brenner says.

Brenner is dating Brandon Gargus, a non-denominational Christian who attends McKendree University in Lebanon, Ill. When she first met him, she thought he was cute, but didn’t think she could date him because of his religion. She decided to give it a try, but within two weeks, she says she had an emotional breakdown thinking about the religious barrier. When Brenner talked to Gargus, he said he was open to being married in the Catholic Church, and Brenner was relieved.

“People ask would I marry him if he wasn’t Catholic. I wouldn’t be dating him if I couldn’t see myself marrying him,” Brenner says. “I believe love is willing the good of another and doing everything to help them get to heaven. Me loving him was sharing my Catholic faith and lifestyle.”

Katie Hayes, a sophomore from Pittsburg, was raised Catholic, and was taught from an early age that the greatest love comes from Jesus because he died for us. “If someone loves you so much that they’ll do anything for you, that’s ultimately what love should be,” Hayes says.

For Hayes, loving someone also means you will do anything to help that person get to heaven. That is what Hayes and her boyfriend of the same faith, TJ Wallace, try to do for each other. One way they try to help each other is by staying abstinent.“If I love him, I’m not going to try to tempt him and he feels the same way about me. We don’t want each other to sin, so we try to keep it pure,” Hayes says. The two decided the best way for them to keep a pure relationship was with prayer; the two try to pray together on the phone each day.

Because the religious aspect of her relationship with her boyfriend is so important, Hayes doesn’t know if she could date someone who wasn’t a devout Catholic. “If I don’t have a boyfriend supporting me, that would be hard. A lot of people don’t understand and misunderstand the Catholic church, so, if he didn’t understand my views, that would be really hard,” Hayes says.

Robert Shelton, professor of religious studies, says it’s hard to determine what religion dictates because culture always plays a big role in religion. “Culture is a given in human experience. It can change and vary. Sometimes people make a change in religion and in the process they make adjustments in what they have practiced through culture,” Shelton says.

To Mike Marcus, Shawnee freshman, God is the essence of love. Marcus, a Methodist, says it is important in a relationship to be able to grow in faith with that person. To grow in faith together, Marcus and his girlfriend Sam Hinrichs, Kansas State freshman and non-denominational Christian, send each other Scripture passages via text every morning and then talk about it that night when they Skype. But he knows everyone doesn’t see love in that way, and there’s no universal definition. “There are always differing opinions on what a relationship is,” Marcus says. “Even in my own church there are people who have complete opposite thoughts. Ultimately love is what you make of it.”

 

Source: http://www.kansan.com/news/2012/mar/29/love-partner/

Saudi’s religious police seeks to soften image

Saudi religious police will stop car chases that have led to fatal accidents in the past, local media said on Tuesday, in an attempt to soften the image of a force that aggressively enforces Islamic Sharia laws.

Bearded members of the religious police patrol the streets in Saudi Arabia to enforce strict gender segregation laws and ensure that all shops close during Muslim prayer times and that men and women are modestly dressed.

Formally known as the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice, religious police officers arrest those who do not adhere to their rules.

Involvement in violent incidents and lethal car chases has tarnished the reputation of the force.

“The car chases by the religious police will end,” Alriyadh newspaper quoted the head of the force, Sheikh Abdulatif Al al-Sheikh, as saying. A spokesman for the force confirmed this.

“We care a great deal to make the image of the commission a positive one that reflects the true image of Islam. There is no doubt that these (plans) portray a new vision for the commission,” said the spokesman, Abdulmohsen al-Qifari.

Earlier this year, footage of religious police attacking a family outside a shopping mall in the capital, Riyadh, was posted on You Tube, registering more than 180,000 hits and generating much social media criticism of the force.

In January King Abdullah replaced the head of the religious police, Sheikh Abdulaziz al-Humain, with Al al-Sheikh, who swiftly banned the activities of “volunteers” who take it on themselves to chase or detain arrest presumed sharia violators.

The Commision now wants to polish its image after repeated criticism at home and abroad, most notoriously after local media accused religious police of hampering efforts to rescue 15 girls who died inside a blazing Mecca school in 2002.

“We have carried out many training sessions to prepare our patrols for catching up with the times,” Al al-Sheikh said.

Last week, Riyadh governor Prince Sattam bin Abdulaziz eased restrictions that had prevented single men from entering shopping malls. The decision was supported by Al al-Sheikh.

 

Source:  http://www.arabianbusiness.com/saudi-s-religious-police-seeks-soften-image-451593.html

March 29th, 2012  in Dating and Religion No Comments »

Saudi bans video game over “sexual” sounds

Conservative Gulf kingdom Saudi Arabia has banned a video game because its female characters sounded “too sexual”, according to the game’s developer.

In the game, called ‘Shoe Wars’, the user controlled character is encouraged to collect as many pairs of expensive designer shoes, while avoiding men by jumping over them.

‘Shoe Wars’ is available to Apple iPhone users through the company’s online AppStore.

However, authorities in Saudi Arabia have deemed the jumping sound effect used in the game to be “too sexual”, causing it be with withdrawn from the AppStore.

A modified version of the game will be made available in April without the questionable sound effect, it added.

Forms of entertainment such as cinema have been banned in highly conservative Saudi Arabia since the 1970s.

Last month, the kingdom held only its second public showing of a film in more than three decades.

 

Source: http://www.arabianbusiness.com/saudi-bans-video-game-over-sexual-sounds–451564.html

March 29th, 2012  in Dating and Religion No Comments »

Musings on physics, religion and online dating Read more here

I know there are folks – psychics – who see into the future. Or claim to have second sight. Or even try to duck this “gift from God.”

As a society, we’ve canonized, martyred, vilified, ignored, laughed off and treasured the writings of these people.

Then we get bent out of shape, like my friend Nancy who insists we have to pay attention to a combination of the Bible, popular culture and her arthritis pains, which foretell damp weather.

Anyway, Nancy points out the Mayan calendar ends Dec. 21, 2012 – DOOMSDAY! Well, I said, if that’s true about all we can do except pray, of course, and make sure the refrigerator is cleaned out and the bills are paid.

Nancy doesn’t think I’m funny. She keeps telling me I’m going to be “left behind,” although, if nothing’s left of the material world I’m not sure where that puts me.

Obviously, without a leg to stand on.

No, this column is not picking or pecking at organized religion – anyone’s organized religion. Just “fear” that so many groups, of all persuasions, insisting on foisting upon us.

As if living day to day isn’t scary enough.

It’s common sense, says another friend, Melinda. Jesus is coming back, she says. The world will fracture and disappear. We will be separated into believers and non-believers and the non-believers go to the bad place – commonly called “Hell.”

Although no one knows what “hell” is like, Melinda expects it to be hot, uncomfortable and “not a place where we would be playing cards.” Rather like Palm Springs without air conditioning.

Then there’s my other buddy, Marge, who sees where we all are now as a “heaven” or “hell,” so make the most of it. Which brings me to Internet dating. How’s that for a turn-around?

“I think Internet dating is terrific!” says Christine Baumgartner. “That’s how I met my husband.”

Baumgartner is a dating coach, of course, (theperfectcatch.com) and the first to say Internet dating is how she learned about her own foibles.

The men she kept meeting, she says, were great guys but not security-minded, as she is. They weren’t interested in savings accounts or pensions or stuff like that.

“They made a lot of money, but they really didn’t have a dime to their name,” she says.

She thought a lot about that, realized the major men in her life – her father and her ex-husband – had similar qualities. She went to therapy.

“Why therapy? Well, what can I learn about me? Sometimes it’s easy and sometimes not. The point is, when you realize there is a difference, jump in the river and learn something about yourself. Learn who you are.”

Which brings us back to the original point: Do some people really read or know the future? Have any of us had experiences that way?

I have. You share yours (jghaas@cox.net) and I’ll share mine.

Meanwhile, Baumgartner says, “I really appreciate and value there is a God, bigger than me. I don’t have to do everything myself. Another being has my back.”

And while you’ll never find the absolute “Perfect catch” on earth, you can learn how to be (almost) one – and how to attract (almost) one.

(Contact the writer: jghaas@cox.net)

Read more here: http://www.sacbee.com/2012/03/26/4367021/musings-on-physics-religion-and.html

Saudi women push for right to play sports

The HRW report said the National Olympic committee had “indicated” it would not stop women athletes taking part in the Games if they were invited, and speculation has been rife that the government will send equestrian Dalma Malhas to compete in this years Olympics in London.
The Saudi Arabian General Investment Authority told Reuters earlier this year there are plans to introduce after-hours physical education classes for both girls and boys.
The kingdom’s official sporting body, the Saudi General Presidency of Youth Welfare, did not respond to Reuters questions on the issue.
Sports in the patriarchal society of Saudi Arabia has long been reserved as an activity for men. Even stadiums for watching sports prohibit females to be present.

Women are able to play in the privacy of their homes or in private schools but as soon as they step beyond that to play professionally or in organized teams in public competitions they are publicly slammed for going against their natural role.

Newspaper articles that refer to such women as “shameless” when they play sports are a cause of great embarrassment for the women and their families. Some have even received text messages advising them to stay at home and tend to their household duties as mothers and wives.

“If there is no support from the family we can not get into these types of activities … some people are extremist or extra conservative,” said Hadeer Sadagah, 17, who plays with Fitiany on their basketball team, Jeddah United.

Jeddah United was set up in 2003 to promote women’s fitness; Malhas, who specializes in show jumping, trained privately and has competed in international tournaments since she was young.

A group of Saudi women is also planning a hiking expedition to Everest base camp this summer as part of a charity fundraising exercise to promote a healthy lifestyle for breast cancer patients.

Billionaire Prince Alwaleed bin Talal, a nephew of the king who is known to be a supporter of women’s rights, has included women in his Kingdom Equestrian Team, part of his company Kingdom Holding, which has allowed Saudi women to compete in international competitions since 2007.

Liberal Saudis consider women who participate in sports to be pioneers and encourage the women to play regardless of the obstacles.

“We have a very famous Arabic saying that goes, ‘a healthy brain needs a healthy body’ so from that I believe that people who are against women’s sports are actually against women,” Jeddah resident Hashim Larry, 27, told Reuters.

“They come from the same group of ‘don’t allow women to work and drive’.”

The pressure against women in sports is intense and comes from senior figures in a clerical establishment that is closely allied to the ruling al-Saud family.

In 2010 Sheikh Abdulkareem al-Khudair, who also sits on the Supreme Council for Religious Scholars, renewed a religious edict banning sports for women, which he said “will lead to following in the footsteps of the devil.”

He said it is not permitted to request that the government introduce sports in schools for girls because such activity is forbidden in Islam. Such comments from a high ranking cleric have immense influence in the monarchy, which rules in alliance with the conservative clerics.

When Jeddah United returned from a tournament in which they played the Jordanian national team, in 2009, a local newspaper published their photograph under the headline: “Shameless girls.”

The religious pressure is so great that even female gyms have to wear a non-sporting fig leaf, masquerading as “health centers” that are regulated not by a national sports body but by the Health Ministry.

Fees are so high, at a minimum of 1,000 riyals ($266) a month, that only the affluent can afford membership.

In 2009 a clampdown on unlicensed female gyms gave rise to a women’s rights campaign in newspapers and blogs, with the sarcastic slogan “Let her get fat!”

“As a nation we need to focus on preventative measures that include healthy lifestyle, specifically nutrition and fitness and early detection (of women’s illnesses),” said Princess Reema al-Saud, who is leading the climb to Everest base camp.

“The inspiration to climb Everest base camp came from the basic idea that a healthy lifestyle and healthy body can fight illness better,” she added.

The lack of facilities for women is a significant barrier in a country where gender segregation is strictly enforced.

While girls’ state schools are barred from teaching physical education and consequently have no sports facilities, some private schools and private universities are very well equipped.

Jeddah United practices in one of the few courts available for women, surrounded by 5-meter (16-foot) concrete walls, which it rents for 7,000 to 10,000 riyals a month. Members get training and the opportunity to play three times a week for a monthly fee of 600 riyals.

“We believe that (Jeddah United) is a pressure group to promote a healthy lifestyle on a local level and on an international level,” said the team’s founder, Lina al-Maeena.

“We play a role of sport diplomacy by building bridges and breaking stereotypes of Saudi women. I hope that we are paving the way.”

Malhas, the equestrian who might yet be selected to represent the kingdom in London, trained in exclusively private facilities in Saudi Arabia.

She has already competed in international tournaments, which she travelled to by herself, financed not by the state but by her own family.

In the Singapore Youth Olympics in 2010 she stood on the podium to receive a bronze medal, although she was not officially delegated to represent the kingdom.

“I think women playing sports should ignore the criticisms they get from society,” Fitiany said.

“That is a kind of struggle, standing strong and not caring what people say.”

 

Source: http://www.arabianbusiness.com/saudi-women-push-for-right-play-sports-447831.html

March 3rd, 2012  in Women and Sports No Comments »

10 ways to win at relationships

Discover the secrets of long-term love success

Times are tough for romance. Figures from the Office for National Statistics show that divorce rates tend to rise during recessions – and, sure enough, the number of people getting divorced in the UK is increasing again for the first time since the 1990s.
But what about the couples who stay together? Plenty of couples go through crises like redundancy, illness and upheaval without splitting up. What’s their secret? It’s not about being lucky enough to find your soulmate. Just as world-class athletes train hard for that “effortless” run on race day, world-class relationships are based on commitment, strategy and hard work. Here’s how they do it.

1. Winning couples share a relationship road map

You both have to want your relationship to work. It helps to share a similar idea of what a successful relationship is. It may seem unromantic to sit your partner down for a frank discussion about where the relationship is going, but couples who don’t discuss it will often discover too late that they don’t share the same expectations of marriage, children and career. If you want your partnership to work, talk to your partner about how they see the future.

2. Winning couples make a commitment

It’s not enough to have similar expectations. Couples who stay together are the ones who trust each other not to disappear. You don’t have to get married, have kids or take out a joint mortgage. You just need to let each other know that you’re committed to each other for the long haul. You’ll both feel more valued and secure. You should re-state your commitment as the years go by. Successful couples aren’t afraid to discuss the state of their relationship, no matter how long they’ve been together.

3. Winning couples give each other space

Give each other space to see friends and pursue separate interests. Time apart makes your time together all the more valuable, and getting some me-time makes you a happier and more relaxed person.

4. Winning couples know how to communicate

If your relationship is to last, you should be able to talk about things and feel that you’re being heard without being judged. Be honest if you’re feeling stressed or under the weather. Your partner will know not to take it personally when you come home feeling grouchy. It’s also important to talk about trivial stuff. Chat about your day at work, what’s going on in the news, assorted rubbish. Don’t turn into a couple that only ever talks about gas bills.

5. Winning couples know how to argue

If you grew up learning to avoid confrontation, you may be in the habit of storing resentments, and that’s never good news for a relationship. That’s not permission to hurl abuse at your partner. But you should get used to discussing your differences and working things out through negotiation and compromise. You don’t have to win every time.

6. Winning couples keep the fires burning

A good sex life brings couples closer together. In scientific terms, sex, cuddling and touching produce hormones such as oxytocin that boost your romantic attachment and relieve stress. In everyday terms, touching makes you feel wanted. Successful couples also know that their sex lives go through lean patches. If you can accept those patches without thinking “that’s it, we’re over,” you stand a better chance of staying together for life.

7. Winning couples accept change

Change can be difficult and even painful, for example when partners lose work or suffer health problems or bereavements. But successful couples don’t jump ship when things get rocky. They learn to adapt, and they support each other through good times and bad.

8. Winning couples never stop dating

Successful couples never stop going out on dates, even when they’ve lived together for years. If you don’t spend regular quality time together, you will drift apart. Take time out from work, hobbies or chores to spend time together. Sitting silently on the sofa watching telly is not a date. A date is something you want to look good for, and where you can enjoy a change of scenery: a restaurant, the cinema or even a walk.

9. Winning couples keep some things secret

Honesty is not always the best policy. Too much information can hurt, even when you’re in love. A considerate partner would never tell the other if they fancied their best friend, or they’d once considered ending the relationship – a careless line that can do irreparable damage. Successful couples also know what speak up about. Problems at work, health issues or a desire for more or different sex are things you should discuss honestly.

10. Winning couples are nice to each other

Of all the secrets of happy relationships, niceness may be the most important. If you’re nice to your partner, they will be nice to you, and your relationship will be a much happier place.

Source: http://uk.match.yahoo.net/edito/index.php?mtcmk=080405&name=5/118/2745-10-ways-to-win-at-relationships.html

February 6th, 2012  in Dating and Adults No Comments »

5 things that men notice first about women

How to make a great first impression

First impressions matter. Love at first sight may be a myth, but those first few moments are vital when you’re out to impress. People can’t help but form an immediate opinion of you based on your appearance, your body language and the way you’re dressed, and this opinion helps to determine whether they hang around long enough to get to know you better.

Some first impressions matter more than others, particularly when you’re meeting men. One recent survey for a women’s magazine found that three-quarters of men notice a woman’s hair first, wheras only a handful of men mentioned clothes. That’s something to bear in mind next time you’re wondering whether to spend 50 quid on a haircut or a dress.

Read on to find out which five things men see first when they first see you, and how this can help you in the dating game.

1. Your hair

Hair takes the top spot for a number of reasons. First, it’s easy to spot. You may have a bottom to make Pippa Middleton weep with envy, but it’s unlikely to be the thing men notice first about you unless you’re holding a wedding dress train outside Westminster Abbey.

Men don’t just glance at a swooshy, shiny mane of hair and then move onto your other assets. They glance at it, and then keep on glancing. Long hair in good condition is extremely sexy, as is short hair with a sleek or fashionable cut. It’s a potent symbol of femininity that screams out to be touched. It also shows that you look after yourself and take pride in your appearance – qualities that many men rate very highly indeed. That said, you don’t want to look high-maintenance, so don’t overdo the products or extreme styling. Just keep your hair clean and conditioned, and invest in a good cut that suits your hair and your features.

Don’t feel pressured to cut your hair just because you’re getting older, or because Emma Watson cut hers. Only an exceptionally elfin face can carry off a drastic buzz cut. Most of us benefit from a glossy frame of hair, and the right haircut can work magic on balancing your facial features.

2. Your eyes

If your hair is your face’s frame, your eyes are its windows. Grown men can be hypnotised by a swoosh of beautiful hair followed by knockout eye contact. Eyes are so powerful because they are about direct communication, and eye contact enables you to make an instant connection with a stranger.

Psychologist Arthur Arun tested the power of eye contact by dividing pairs of strangers into two groups. One group of pairs engaged in intense conversation, while the other pairs stared silently into each other’s eyes for four minutes. Each time he did this test, the eye-contact couples reported feeling much more connected than the intimate-chat couple. One eye-contact couple even got married. So much for the power of conversation!

Make the most of your eyes by getting used to making and maintaining eye contact. It can be difficult if you’re the shy type, but its results can be extremely powerful. Also learn a few tricks of the make-up trade. Good make-up and well-shaped brows can make your eyes extraordinary, but too much can have the opposite effect.

3. Your shoes

Hair, eyes… shouldn’t smile come next? Not according to the men we spoke to. When asked what they noticed first, men were surprisingly keen to mention the importance of stylish shoes. Particularly, and predictably, high heels.

High heels will catch a man’s eye because they give you a sexy edge and improve your posture and the shape of your legs, but only if you can walk in them properly. Uncomfortable heels, like too much eye make-up, do more harm than good. There’s some reassurance for those of us who can’t or won’t wear heels: cool pumps, boots and on-trend trainers also go down well with men. Falling-apart old trainers or mis-shapen ugg boots, not so much. The key here is to wear stylish, quality shoes that co-ordinate with your outfit, and which you can walk in without wincing or lurching.

4. Your Smile

Smile at him, and that’s when he really sees your face. He won’t notice the slight crookedness of your teeth, or the chapped bit on your lip, or the spot that appeared this morning, or even if you’ve got a bit of food stuck in between your incisors – he’ll notice the sincerity and friendliness of your smile.

Meet his eye when you do it and he’ll find it impossible not to smile back – and that’s about the best first impression you can make.

5. Your body

Men notice a woman’s body. They can’t help it. That’s not to say that men judge you on your body shape as soon as you walk into the room, just that they can’t help but look at it. And chances are they’ll notice within seconds whether you’re comfortable with your body, so be sure to dress in a way that shows off your best assets, but leaves a little something to the imagination.

If you worry about the size of your tummy, thighs, arms and so on, don’t despair. Every woman has something about themselves that they’d like to change, but the good news is that most men won’t notice the bits that you do – they’re just happy at the prospect of seeing you naked. Embrace your femininity and go out with confidence, safe in the knowledge that your body will do at least some of the talking for you.

December 15th, 2011  in Dating and Adults No Comments »

5 ways not to display your affection in public

Isn’t it lovely to see a couple expressing affection for each other? Well… up to a point. There’s a whole ocean of dignity between holding hands in the street and swapping saliva in public.

When you are in a loving relationship, whilst it can be hard to keep your hands off your significant other, it can also be very hard for anyone unlucky enough to be watching. PDAs (public displays of affection, as opposed to personal digital assistants… remember them?) are never much fun unless you’re taking part in them, and even then it’s often a lot more pleasurable for one half of the PDAing couple than for the other.

We’re not suggesting that no-one should show affection in public. Public affection is important in a relationship. It shows your partner that you fancy them and that you’re proud to be with them, and that’s a vital part of making them feel appreciated. Any onlooker would have to be pretty small-minded to object to couples holding hands, snuggling up or giving each other a peck on the cheek. But go much further than that, and you can start to make people feel very uncomfortable indeed.

Here are five PDA blunders that make us want to scream “get a room”… or just make us want to scream.

1. Kissing with tongues

You look horrible when you snog. Sorry, but you do. Everyone does, except for teenage movie stars, and even they look prettier with their mouths shut and their faces unattached.

Public snogging isn’t just ugly, it’s also undignified and can be counter-productive. You may wish to tell the world “look how loved up we are,” but the world hears “look how desperate we are to show you that we fancy each other.”

It also conveys a sense of immaturity. Most people get public snogging out of their systems at school discos. When you see two adults doing it, you can’t help but wonder if they’ve ever actually had sex. It’s a grim and deeply unsexy spectacle.

2. Mismatched PDA

Everyone has a different threshold for modesty. If you want to snog your partner or hold their hand but they’d rather not, don’t impose your wishes on them. Slobbering over a reluctant man or woman is a very good way to turn them off.

If your partner is less keen on PDA than you are, it’s not necessarily a reflection of their feelings for you – it probably has a lot more to do with shyness. If you try to kiss them in public and they flinch or start to pull away, that should be more than enough of a signal for you to stop. Be sensitive to their PDA tolerance and don’t disrespect their wishes.

3. Friend-unfriendly PDA

You can be romantic with your partner in front of friends, right? Well, no. It’s rude, for a number of reasons. If you and your partner are out with friends, you should be giving your friends your attention, not each other. You can give each other all the attention you like when you get home later.

And what about friends who aren’t happy in their relationships, or single friends who’d rather not be single? The last thing they want to see is you two cooing over each other. Even the happiest of your friends won’t be too delighted to play gooseberry if they’re alone with you and you start groping each other.

4. Premature PDA

Many new lovers engage in public displays of affection as a way of “marking territory”. It’s hardly surprising, given the tidal waves of lust and excitement that wash over you when you start falling for someone. But be warned, premature pawing is not a way to keep someone interested. It’s just as likely to scare them off.

5. PDA in the workplace

Meeting a new partner online is now one of the top three ways to start a relationship, but if you’re someone who’s met their partner at work, the temptation to engage in a spot of on-the-clock PDA must be strong. It’s a temptation to be resisted at all costs.

Any kind of cutesy contact in the workplace could earn you disrespect, jealousy or even the sack. Don’t even think about swapping saucy emails. It’s also wise to keep your PDA to a respectable minimum during after-work drinks with colleagues. They’ll have a lot more respect for you as a couple if all your PDAs are strictly private displays of affection, well away from the office.

December 5th, 2011  in Dating and Adults No Comments »

Learning from Caroline Flack: Should older women date younger men?

There’s been a complete uproar today because TV woman Caroline Flack is rumoured to be dating pop foetus Harry Styles. She’s 32, he’s 17.

Flack is being labelled a ‘cradle snatcher’, which raises the question: how young is too young for a woman to date?
[Relevant: Shoulder older men date much younger women]
Of course, this is barely an issue when the genders are reversed. No one bats an eyelid when a famous older man cavorts with 17-year-old girl (unless you’re the Prime Minister in a place like Italy, where the age of consent is 18 rather than 16).
It’s long been established that older guys like younger girls and vice versa. If Harry and Caroline are of the opposite persuasion, I can’t see why anyone in their right mind would care.
Except, I do care.
Speaking as a man whose teenage years are a distant memory, I’m concerned at the precedent this sets.
For chaps, the saving grace of getting older is that you can still pull girls younger than you. This is because girls don’t like dating dudes who are younger.
I’ve never quite understood why this is. Twenty-year-old lads are generally healthier and prettier than 30-year-old men, with better hair and higher libidos. Women can cite their “immaturity” and “lack of experience” as reasons to steer clear, but actually I think it’s more to do with the weird social stigma attached to it. Guys who date younger girls get kudos for it, while a woman dating a young lad is deemed somehow misguided and pathetic.
And for men in their late twenties and older, this is great news. Our maturity is the one thing we have in our locker – a safety net for ageing bachelors. Otherwise, we’d be like women – when no one wants you when you’re old. Imagine!
But if this alleged Flack-Styles courtship is successful, the repercussions are frightening. Presumably they are quite high profile so they could become a popular, fashionable couple (I say presumably, I’d never heard of Harry until this morning but am assured he is well-known.) If it suddenly becomes acceptable for a 29-year-old woman to snog an under-25, guys like me would be sunk.

It’s hard enough as it is finding a woman without teenagers becoming serious contenders for the same girls. It’s like Roger Federer against Novak Djokovic – the young pretender might end up being better than you.
So for my sake, although I think love between any aged couple is a beautiful thing, I want Caroline and Harry’s romance to fail horribly.
She needs to dump him, then give an interview a few months confirming all the suspicions of older women: that Harry wanted them to spend all their spare time playing with Lego.
We don’t want women getting the wrong idea – that young dudes are just as good as old ones.

Written by: By Dan Juan
Source: http://uk.lifestyle.yahoo.com/blogs/dan-juan/learning-caroline-flack-older-woman-date-younger-men-123933308.html

November 18th, 2011  in Dating and Our Life No Comments »


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